Feeling Stuck: Fueling That Fire

I feel like I am having writers block. Theres a lot of thoughts in my brain but none of them are forming into words. I would say I get like this probably once a month, I just get stuck. I am feeling pretty empty these days and it isn’t as depressing as it sounds. I feel empty within myself, like I should be taking the opportunity to do more for myself you know? I believe I have so much potential that could be used for the greater and I’m just not really doing it or using it. I need something to fill my cup that isn’t cabernet sauvignon. I love to write and it feels weird to be going for a profession where those talents won’t be expressed. I am so excited to go into the healthcare system, but it lacks creativity. I used to write for an online platform where I had a set scheduled post per week, but then I entered college and I wasn’t of age to do so anymore.

I have always been a literature person, I used to make Powerpoints for my parents explaining why I should get a dog or short stories of my magical friends and I taking adventures across the globe. I had won poetry contests and short story contests too and had always been loved by my English teachers. But where did that spark go? This post wasn’t even going to be directed toward my decline in the writing aspect, but this is what its turning into and hey, content is content!

I had always wanted to be a journalist, but found it a dying field. My dream was to end up as a crime reporter / forensic scientist / Law and Order SVU aficionado. But I knew I had a passion for people, and I was always good at science, so that was where I turned. I have turned toward God so much in this time period, and I am not trying to tell you that is what you should do, but sometimes giving it up to something higher than yourself is comforting and empowering.

Long story short, I have this fire inside of me that’s a little wee flickering flame and I need it to be engulfing my soul once again. So I am going to list some challenges for myself this June / summer altogether and hopefully broadcasting this onto the internet will help me stick to it.

  • Read at least 2 books a month . (The paper kind, not the online, fan fic type nonsense)
  • Write more poetry
  • Take a journal with me everywhere
  • Brain dump every morning (brain dumping for those of you who do not know is is a complete transfer of accessible knowledge about a particular subject from your brain to some other storage medium, such as paper or your computer’s hard drive) https://whatis.techtarget.com/definition/brain-dump
  • Write without constraint and without fear of judgement.
  • Exercise!!!!
  • Eat things that are not a burrito

These may seem like silly things, but honestly my mental health has been slipping and I can’t keep getting tattoos to fix that! I hope that my literally brain dump of a rant inspires some of you to go after that dream you’ve always wanted, that flame in your belly. Even if it means a change of heart or change or direction, stick with it. Writing was going to be my job, so was video production (that’s another story), but my heart took me towards healthcare. Stop putting the pressure on yourself to do the best you can so quickly! I literally have laid in bed the last 3 days feeling like garbage for me to finally realize what the heck I was doing to myself.

You are all perfect beings and on the road to being your best self, no matter how long its taking you! So stay tuned to these more rant type posts and my more personal spiel.

 

Let me know if you have any other non-braindumpy ideas for my blog,

xx,

G

Advertisements

Reflection on the First Quarter: Jan, Feb, March

 

Photo on 3-7-19 at 4.17 PM #3So, it is March, and I haven’t blogged since January.

Yikes.

These few couples months of the year have been actually amazing. It blows my mind how much change I have gone through since this time last year and seeing myself progress is so exciting. I am growing into the woman I want to be and this makes me want to scream with joy.

I have found so much love these past few months, within myself, my passions and within pursuing God.

I decided to take this time to reflect on the first “quarter” of this year and fill ya’ll in with where I have been.

January was pretty busy, full of schedule changes and goals that I never pursued. I went to the gym pretty regularly and was getting excited with my progress, but as I usually do, I gave up. I am quite disappointed in my lack of motivation to stay healthy and workout, but I plan on working on that. I got denied my dream job, I lost connections with a lot of people, but I made even more.

February was my favorite month, because it is my birthday month. I turned the big 21! I had a lot of fun with my friends and made even more genuine connections. I focused on enjoying life and minimizing the drama that always seems to follow me. I focused more on my schooling this quarter and got grades that began to prove it. I got my dream camera and started shooting and focusing on my long lost hobby. February was a month of growth and new beginnings.

And here we are with march. It is the 7th day of March and it already feels like it is going so fast. I have finished my midterms and I am now on spring break. I finished with good grade midway through the semester, but aware that I could have done better. I feel an overwhelming excitement and connection with God and I feel a new understanding of giving love and loving myself. I surround myself with the type of people that lift me up and I encourage all of you to do the same.

As for the rest of the year I’m working towards the best grades I have had, a job that I love, relationships that are genuine and thriving and to live every day with the love that God gave me. Live your life with the intention that every day could be your last. Seriously, from working in a hospital it has made me realize how life really is.

As always I hope everyone has an amazing week and day and night and all the things.

xx,

G

direction is so much more important than speed. some are going no where, fast

Love Languages

1_vazotthulongzcape3pb7q

As the year has rung in I have been trying to tap into myself and my relationships lately. I have been reading the book Attached by Amir Levine and have been struggling to get through it just because I need to set aside personal time dedicated to reading it. But a concept in that book is attachment styles and love languages.

Love languages have always been fascinating to me. We each have a love language specific to us, or multiple, and it is how we accept and want love in our lives. Discovering your partner’s love language is key to having a good and healthy relationship. (Not like I would know this is just for personal research, ha)

The five love languages are as follows:

  • words of affirmation
  • receiving gifts
  • quality time
  • acts of service
  • physical touch

The 5 Love Languages in Relationships

 

Words of Affirmation:

With the words of affirmation love language, words speak louder than anything else. This type of person appreciates kind words and being built up by words of affection. Simple phrases mean a lot to them, such as a simple “thank you” or “I appreciate you” moves mountains for them. Notes and expressions of love are what hits home for them, how they prefer to be loved. On the downside negative words hurt them a lot more than people who don’t have this love language. Choosing words wisely with this person can make or break your relationship.

Receiving Gifts: 

The love language of receiving gifts is pretty self explanatory. This type of person finds the most love when people give them gifts or make them a gift that shows them that they thought of them. They believe that a gift shows them that their significant other understands what they love and goes out of their way to get it for them.

Quality Time:

The quality time love language focuses on spending time with their significant other. Doing anything with their significant brings extreme joy to this person and is how they feel most loved. Just being in the presence of their significant other makes them happy, even doing nothing with them.  This partner hates spending time apart from their significant other and long distance is often a deal-breaker or extremely hard for this relationship. If you are dating someone with this love language it is important to reprioritize so they feel like a priority in your life. Having a conversation with eye contact and actual listening skills is important too.

Acts of Service:

Setting up and making dinner, doing chores so the other person doesn’t have to. This type of person likes people doing things for them so they don’t have to. For example, they had a long day and they still have to make dinner, so their partner makes dinner for them. This love language is difficult because it is easy to become a person that does everything for them.

Physical Touch:

This type of person feels love through hugs, kisses, sitting, playing with hair, just being as close as physically possible. This person just likes to be touched at all times, no matter how small. This can be potentially dangerous to relationships because some people have a bubble and can get irritated with constant closeness and touch. This could also cause moving too fast in relationship situations. I thought that this would be my love language, for sure, but I didn’t get it in the results. I started to realize that I do like physical touch, but I too have a bubble and do not want anyone touching me at certain times.

So I decided to take the Five Love Languages Quiz, if you want to take it yourself you can find it here.

My results revealed that I find love in words of affirmation and quality time.

If you are interested in the love languages I recommend watching the video that I did, linked below.

 

I am super interested in human behavior and what makes us love and how we love so this was right up my alley.

If you guys have any comments or questions, comment below as well as blog suggestions!

xx,

G

There are all kinds of love in this world, but never the same love twice – f. scott fitzgerald

How Do I Start a Relationship with God?

0902A79D-A591-42E1-95B2-DEC51C4B6C1B.JPGDisclaimer:  I never want to push religion on anything of the sort on my followers and I am super open to beliefs or non beliefs. I’m writing this post about my journey with religion as a request of a close follower to my blog 🙂

I was never religious. If you want more background information on that check out my blog post Temporary Pleasure: My Sunday

Long story short, I identified with no religion. So how did I get here? How did I get to the point where I annotate a bible, attend service, and pray to God daily? A lot of practice, time, and self discipline.

It took some sort of epiphany to realize I needed a higher power in my life. I was struggling with anxiety and depression and felt that I had nowhere to turn to. I knew my mom was super religious and had always tried to get me to go to church with her, but I hated every second of it. Traditional Catholic masses made me scream. As a kid with ADHD, anxiety, and a constant need to be moving, these masses didn’t click right with me. I started hating religion and never went. There were a couple of years where I only went to service on holidays, If that. 2 years ago all of that changed.

I found a chapel that I really loved. They had service, singing, and relatable sermons with humor even! I began to go by myself to service, but not tell anyone about it. I was embarrassed. Embarrassed to believe in something higher than myself… now thats embarrassing. No matter what you follow or how you look at life, I truly believe there is a higher power or energy surrounding us that we will never understand. I have talked about my experience with paranormal, energy, and all of the sort, and I still am confident that we are not alone here.

I started attending chapel services more regularly, alone and quiet. Everyone was so welcoming and happy that I was there, it was incredible. There was such good and positive energy in this place. I even began learning the songs, downloading them, and finding myself being more open with praising during service. Eventually, my mom and stepdad started attending the same chapel and now I try to go with them when I can.

And THERE is key point number 1.

You have to want to do it.

As with everything, being forced to do anything is extremely unbearable. Once I started wanting to learn more and attend services regularly, I fell more into my faith. My biggest advice is to do it on your own time. This isn’t a thing that happens over night! It took me years on years to finally realize that this is what I wanted to do and follow. As I said before, I hated religion because I was forced to be there!

I started off on this journey by starting to go to service. After I got more “into” being apart of something bigger, I began to do my research.

I came across “Bible journaling”. I was absolutely fascinated by the artwork that people dedicated to their bible and how they expressed their faith by creativity. As terrible of an artist as I am, I tried it too! I purchased a Bible journal, some pens, and started with my favorite verses.

9ED840AD-10F5-4944-A154-41C9373F3233.JPGI started journaling with a verse I loved and have always loved.

Jeremiah 29:11 :

“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord”

This was always a comforting verse for me, and no shame here, I found it on Pinterest! Pinterest has been such a huge jumpstart to my faith and I highly recommend it. This is where I found my inspiration to journal in my bible, and find all my favorite verses. Go on Pinterest and find a favorite verse and start there. Although small, I do have a Pinterest board dedicated to my journey with my faith. If any of you want to take a look, here it is.

I started off journaling graphics in my bible and slowly progressed to annotating chapters.

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

But where do you begin? The bible is HUGE.

This was something I struggled with forever as well. I researched, asked for advice from my peers, and finally settled. I started off with 1 Corinthians. I decided to start here because this is where all the “laws” to follow are laid out. Honestly, I never truly knew them so I figured I’d start there. Currently, I am reading the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). I’m reading this to try and understand Jesus’ life and get a better understanding of who he is. I don’t have much knowledge about Jesus so starting with the Gospels was recommended to me by a friend! Either of those options are where I would recommend starting your bible reading.

But what do you do when you read?

THIS my friends, is where the SOAP method comes in.

I never understood the SOAP method, let alone knew what it stood for. I turned to Youtube to find out and luckily one of my favorite Youtubers had recently uploaded a video. (A little sign eh?) I watched this video through and learned about devotion and how to annotate and read my bible.

Heres the video : My Morning Devotion Routine 

This video helped me breakdown a lot and turned me to a method I use now.

S: scripture

O: observations

A: application to life

P: prayer

8CB315F1-C760-4F0D-9B19-B593B30475F7.JPG

Another huge recommendation I have is to annotate during service! Bring your bible, download an app, or just bring a notebook and take notes of what your pastor or whoever is saying and talking about. Doing this allows me to actually focus on what he / she is saying and not just pretending I am. I advise against the bible app on your phone only because you will probably get distracted and find yourself doing other things.

Heres an example of some of my annotations from service:

Processed with VSCO with m5 preset

For all of you thinking this is a lot of work I have good news for you.

Theres a way to do it ALL online!

Most churches, chapels, etc, usually have a website where they post their service online! You don’t even have to get out of your bed. So next time your excuse for missing service is the Sunday Scaries, pop into bed and watch your mass live.

There are so many options and ways to educate yourself about religion and what you want to do about it. I have found multiple podcasts including:

  • Churchome with Judah Smith
  • The Chapel Audio
  • The Porch
  • Zoe LA

Another thing I want to throw in there is to be open to all religions and beliefs. No belief is right or wrong! Or at least thats why I believe. I have explained how I believe in the principals of the Buddha and I agree and respect multiple other principals of other practices. Having an open mind is key to embarking on this journey of finding yourself and finding your faith. Another point I’d like to make is nobody is perfect! I personally do not follow the bible word by word. I do my best to live my life how I believe God would want me to, but we all have slip ups. Opening up to the idea of letting God or any other faith into your life is enough alone. Don’t be so hard on yourself through this journey or through ANY journey in life.

If you have any interest in Christian music heres a link to a cool playlist 😉

Always know you’re loved.

X,

G