Reflection on the First Quarter: Jan, Feb, March

 

Photo on 3-7-19 at 4.17 PM #3So, it is March, and I haven’t blogged since January.

Yikes.

These few couples months of the year have been actually amazing. It blows my mind how much change I have gone through since this time last year and seeing myself progress is so exciting. I am growing into the woman I want to be and this makes me want to scream with joy.

I have found so much love these past few months, within myself, my passions and within pursuing God.

I decided to take this time to reflect on the first “quarter” of this year and fill ya’ll in with where I have been.

January was pretty busy, full of schedule changes and goals that I never pursued. I went to the gym pretty regularly and was getting excited with my progress, but as I usually do, I gave up. I am quite disappointed in my lack of motivation to stay healthy and workout, but I plan on working on that. I got denied my dream job, I lost connections with a lot of people, but I made even more.

February was my favorite month, because it is my birthday month. I turned the big 21! I had a lot of fun with my friends and made even more genuine connections. I focused on enjoying life and minimizing the drama that always seems to follow me. I focused more on my schooling this quarter and got grades that began to prove it. I got my dream camera and started shooting and focusing on my long lost hobby. February was a month of growth and new beginnings.

And here we are with march. It is the 7th day of March and it already feels like it is going so fast. I have finished my midterms and I am now on spring break. I finished with good grade midway through the semester, but aware that I could have done better. I feel an overwhelming excitement and connection with God and I feel a new understanding of giving love and loving myself. I surround myself with the type of people that lift me up and I encourage all of you to do the same.

As for the rest of the year I’m working towards the best grades I have had, a job that I love, relationships that are genuine and thriving and to live every day with the love that God gave me. Live your life with the intention that every day could be your last. Seriously, from working in a hospital it has made me realize how life really is.

As always I hope everyone has an amazing week and day and night and all the things.

xx,

G

direction is so much more important than speed. some are going no where, fast

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A Reflection

true happiness

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I’ve been up thinking a lot lately, especially late at night. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to address what was going on in my life or If I just wanted to let it pass over. I really just needed an outlet to vent at this point about my life and the trials I’ve been facing lately. It’s hard to identify what true happiness is and I have been faced with these problems a lot in my current and past life. Although I am overly satisfied with my life from where it was from a year ago, there is still something deep inside me that remains unhappy.

I think my personal problem is that happiness is defined by so many materialistic things these days that I don’t even know what true happiness entails. I used to live thinking that material things would make me happy. A new bag, a new book, a new computer. Things that were nowhere near to pleasing me became my goal to obtain. Money, success, attention.  Looking back now I wish I could pound into my younger mind that those things mean NOTHING. I lived life through rose colored glasses and was so focused on what other people thought of me and what I had to show off.

Although I still don’t know how to achieve happiness on my own I’ve learned some things that calm me down and relive my stress, putting me in a happier place.

(this was intended to be a post about ways to relieve stress)

I wrote this post a couple days ago, and coming back to it now I still find myself struggling with what true happiness is. While I’ve been dealing with anxiety issues all my life I’ve been finding myself grow more and more towards who I want to become. True happiness for me is being free of all my anxieties. I am nowhere near free of all of those things and that is okay with me. I’ve watched myself react differently to situations I would have panicked in before. I’ve become comfortable with the idea that not everything is going to be perfect and okay. Life happens. This past weekend my car died twice. Once in another country, and once on the way to work. Both were situations that weren’t ideal, but they gave me an opportunity to learn how to react. The first incident I panicked and cried and became extremely upset. Only two days later, I reacted differently. It’s such a small thing, but for me it meant a lot.

Although me ranting really accomplished nothing but spilling my guts to the internet,  I’ve decided to accept the fact that finding true happiness within myself and with my life doesn’t happen in a day. I’m so focused on the fast pace of life and today I had an opportunity to slow things down. I enjoyed outside. Thoroughly enjoyed and took in the beauty of the world. I put my phone down, did some things outside of my comfort zone and breathed in all of the beautiful life around me. Slowing down made me happy. I have to learn these things through experiencing them. And although I don’t know what true happiness is, I feel closer on the path.

Allow yourself to slow down.

wherever you are, be all there – jim elliot

xx,

G

 

On Kate Spade: The Woman Behind The Bag

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It took me a couple of days to process the news of Kate spade. I have always been a fan of the brand but I also admired the person. The news came as a shock to me and the situation hit home. At just 55 years old Kate was found in her apartment unresponsive. She had struggled many years with anxiety issues and other mental health issues that she was self-treating with alcohol. She said that she was a very nervous person that worried a lot and always acted as if the sky was falling; but, nobody would ever know that. Her brand was colorful, bold, and exciting much like her personality. When Spade sold her brand a couple years ago she did so to focus on raising her daughter Francis. She wanted to separate from her fashion brand and public image and have her own personal life back to herself.

“The Woman Behind The Bag” is starting to wake America up. Kate has always had these issues but was too scared to get help because of her image. How could a designer of a bold, bubbly and colorful brand ever have a bad day? In her eyes, they couldn’t. She was worried it would harm her “happy go lucky brand”. This is such a huge concept in mental illness today. People are so concerned with what the public will think of them that they refuse to get help. It saddens me that there are such stigmas behind mental illness that tragedies like this have to happen. People need to wake up. Every single person you pass is dealing with something in one way or another. Whether they choose to mask it or not is their choice, but having to feel like they can’t address it is what is wrong with the world today. As an advocate for mental health and having gone through multiple doctors’ appointments, medications, and therapists I resonate with what Kate was feeling to an extent. I was so focused on people making fun of me for going to therapy that I would lie every time I went. When I would take my anxiety medicine I would get made fun of for taking “crazy pills”. The stigma behind mental illness makes me sick and it needs to be addressed. So many amazing lives are lost this way and the world needs to wake up.

Kate Spade and Robin Williams are two people who had amazing and colorful personalities. Behind the smile was so many personal trials and defeats that nobody knew about. People are scared to get help. The media is so quick to judge the second a celebrity comes out about something trifling to themselves. If the stigma was erased so many people could be saved. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, or how much fame you possess, there are demons everywhere. Suicide is not a cowardly thing. Imagine the extent you have to be at to go through with that act. Kate left behind a daughter, a husband, and many who loved her. The fact that these celebrities must mask the fact that they need help is what is wrong with our world today.

Before you judge someone on what they are going through, try to help. So many lives could be saved just by reaching out. Ask someone how they are, offer a hand. The stigma needs to be erased, but it can’t be until we all work at it. Be nice to people! You never know what they are going through. If I hadn’t had the friends I do to push me to take my medication, go to my therapy, talk to them, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Mental illness is NOT an embarrassment! It should be an open subject to talk about and discuss with the people around you. If you need help PLEASE reach out. If you know someone who needs help PLEASE reach out to them! A person will never know how much impact they have just had by just reaching out.

 

If you need help please reach out to me, my Instagram is @letsgetgabby

Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

 

Do the best for yourself,

 

Xx,

 

G

I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make other people happy, because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless, and they don’t want anyone else to feel that. – Robin Williams (1951-2014)

Getting Hurt Efficiently

Take a second and read the outlined passage in the picture below.

I believe in getting hurt efficiently.

At least I do now after I read this passage in Lily Singh’s book, How to Be a Bawse. This passage struck me as something I needed to read over and over again because I, along with everyone else, have been hurt.

As I wrote in my last blog post, last year was one of the hardest years of my life. I figured that maybe as the years went on they would only become easier, but I was WAY off. Life is tricky, and it throws its biggest battles to its strongest soldiers. I was faced, and am faced with still today, some intense battles that I ended up getting hurt from. But, after reading this passage I recognized that how I was dealing with the hurt was so far from acceptable. I realized that I needed to change it. I cry, I scream, I get angry, but now I sit back and pull apart the situation and try to take a lesson from it. One common misconception with pain is that it’s on a time frame. Pinning pain down to a specific time period is something that I will never accept. People experience pain in different ways and in different time lengths. However, I used to dwell in the pain for months on end and do nothing about it. I would throw myself a pity party and blame every single person in the world for the pain that I was experiencing. I was taking my pain so deeply that I couldn’t even function. After reading this passage in this book I realized that looking back all the painful experiences I had gone through, they had taught me a lesson. Even if I didn’t see it at first, or even months, or years later, it did teach me something eventually. I had to realize that if I sat and dwelled in pain and got no lesson or experience from it, I was wasting my time. I had to bulk up and let the pain come and go, and then learn from it. One mistake I experienced with pain, was not allowing it. I would hold it in, say I was fine, be cold to everyone around me, and pretend it didn’t happen. Holding in pain and emotions will only destroy you. You are a human being! A human being is NOT perfect. That is why we are human beings. Shit happens, and you need to react to it. Allow yourself to have reactions, pain, and emotions. If someone breaks your heart, cry! You are ALLOWED TO. But don’t sit there and wallow in it with a tub of ice cream and not learn anything from it. Think about why they hurt you. Is there something you could change? Were they just not a good person? Was the situation avoidable? Sit down and dissect. Allow yourself to hurt, but hurt efficiently.

Best,

xx

G

Buy Lily’s book here:  https://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Bawse-Guide-Conquering/dp/0425286460

“make peace with your broken pieces”

– r.h. Sin

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How Yoga and Meditation Changed My Life

Go back about a year ago and tell me to try meditating and I probably would have laughed right in your face. Last year, my anxiety was so bad to the point where I didn’t leave my room and hearing the word “meditate” was the most insulting thing to me. How did these people expect me to slow down the world that was going on in my head? It was impossible. Fast forward a year ahead, and I’m doing it every day. It took some self discipline for me to get where I am today, but hopefully sharing my journey will help you begin yours.

I suffer from extreme Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I was known to not leave my room, not go to social events, and be “a bitch” for not wanting to do anything. It was an extremely hard time in my life trying to deal with the adjustment to college lifestyle while battling this disorder, and I didn’t have an easy time with it. I was told about medicine, breathing techniques, alternatives, and to just “chill out”. (Telling someone with an anxiety disorder to “chill out” doesn’t work by the way) I went through my entire freshman year playing the “poor me” card and losing friends and myself along the way.

Come my sophomore year, I decided I had enough. I was tired of feeling how I did and decided that it wasn’t for me anymore. I started to do my research. My doctor had suggested yoga for my anxiety and for a back injury I had suffered my freshman year, but I was stubborn. “It won’t help” “I’m not flexible” “I cant afford it”. Countless excuses to make myself feel better for not trying something new. Until one day I took a crack at it.

I decided I couldn’t afford classes, nor did I have the time, so I did the next best thing. I went on the internet. Right in front of my face was an entire world I had yet to tap into. I began researching “beginner’s yoga”, “yoga for dummies”, and “how to” videos. I came across https://www.youtube.com/user/yogawithadriene . Her videos were simple and the best part was you could find one exactly fitted to your needs. So I started there. The first time was a complete disaster, struggling to touch my toes, keep my focus, and follow through with it the next day. After a few times of forcing myself to do it, It became a routine. I started to get more into the foundations of yoga, my fellow yogis, and aligning my inner self to be the best person I could be.

Along the journey of finding myself in yoga, I also found meditation. Having anxiety problems means that your mind is constantly running. Being able to sit still for 10 minutes seemed almost impossible to me. I started with meditating without any assistance and found myself distracted by any little thing my brain could latch onto. I switched gears to apps and shuffled through at least 20 before I found two I really enjoyed.

Today, I use the apps; 10% Happier (10percenthappier.com) and Headspace (headspace.com) 

I personally feel like people who want to try to meditate think that using apps is cheating, but in my opinion it is a great guide to get your brain where it needs to be. Each morning I will use my apps to meditate for 10 minutes before doing anything else. Since I started this I find myself more awake, focused, and prepared for the days ahead.

Ever since I started my daily routine of yoga and meditation in the morning, my anxiety has greatly reduced. I still suffer from panic attacks and general anxiety problems, but it has helped me maintain a calm and clear mindset. Something I’ve learned from my journey of GAD is that you must play the cards you are dealt with. I used to hide my disorder and try to deny it, but I realized that it is like any other disorder; You can’t help if you have it, so work with it. For any of you that suffer from GAD and have suggestions as to methods and strategies to maintain it I would really appreciate a message or a comment. For all of you struggling, you are not alone.

xx

G

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t. You’re right” – Henry Ford

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