Feeling Stuck: Fueling That Fire

I feel like I am having writers block. Theres a lot of thoughts in my brain but none of them are forming into words. I would say I get like this probably once a month, I just get stuck. I am feeling pretty empty these days and it isn’t as depressing as it sounds. I feel empty within myself, like I should be taking the opportunity to do more for myself you know? I believe I have so much potential that could be used for the greater and I’m just not really doing it or using it. I need something to fill my cup that isn’t cabernet sauvignon. I love to write and it feels weird to be going for a profession where those talents won’t be expressed. I am so excited to go into the healthcare system, but it lacks creativity. I used to write for an online platform where I had a set scheduled post per week, but then I entered college and I wasn’t of age to do so anymore.

I have always been a literature person, I used to make Powerpoints for my parents explaining why I should get a dog or short stories of my magical friends and I taking adventures across the globe. I had won poetry contests and short story contests too and had always been loved by my English teachers. But where did that spark go? This post wasn’t even going to be directed toward my decline in the writing aspect, but this is what its turning into and hey, content is content!

I had always wanted to be a journalist, but found it a dying field. My dream was to end up as a crime reporter / forensic scientist / Law and Order SVU aficionado. But I knew I had a passion for people, and I was always good at science, so that was where I turned. I have turned toward God so much in this time period, and I am not trying to tell you that is what you should do, but sometimes giving it up to something higher than yourself is comforting and empowering.

Long story short, I have this fire inside of me that’s a little wee flickering flame and I need it to be engulfing my soul once again. So I am going to list some challenges for myself this June / summer altogether and hopefully broadcasting this onto the internet will help me stick to it.

  • Read at least 2 books a month . (The paper kind, not the online, fan fic type nonsense)
  • Write more poetry
  • Take a journal with me everywhere
  • Brain dump every morning (brain dumping for those of you who do not know is is a complete transfer of accessible knowledge about a particular subject from your brain to some other storage medium, such as paper or your computer’s hard drive) https://whatis.techtarget.com/definition/brain-dump
  • Write without constraint and without fear of judgement.
  • Exercise!!!!
  • Eat things that are not a burrito

These may seem like silly things, but honestly my mental health has been slipping and I can’t keep getting tattoos to fix that! I hope that my literally brain dump of a rant inspires some of you to go after that dream you’ve always wanted, that flame in your belly. Even if it means a change of heart or change or direction, stick with it. Writing was going to be my job, so was video production (that’s another story), but my heart took me towards healthcare. Stop putting the pressure on yourself to do the best you can so quickly! I literally have laid in bed the last 3 days feeling like garbage for me to finally realize what the heck I was doing to myself.

You are all perfect beings and on the road to being your best self, no matter how long its taking you! So stay tuned to these more rant type posts and my more personal spiel.

 

Let me know if you have any other non-braindumpy ideas for my blog,

xx,

G

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Japanese Cherry Blossom Festival

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This weekend I decided to embrace my hobby more and take some pictures at a local festival.

In this blog post I figured I would show you guys some of the pictures I took and a little bit about them. I haven’t posted in a while, and there is a reason. Recently, everything in life social media wise has felt rather forced. I don’t like the idea that things are fabricated or look unauthentic. I have taken some steps to reduce this by leaving engagement groups and only following content that makes me happy. (This included unfollowing girls that made me feel insecure with no offense to them! Keep rocking it ladies, it’s just a hard time for me) I have learned to make my instagram and my social scene a happy place, not a place that causes me insecurity or stress. I constantly felt myself comparing and judging myself based on numbers and looks. I encourage all of you to do a “cleanse” in the next few weeks, and to make social media more genuine for you.

So furthermore, here are some of my pictures from my weekend.

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I have been trying to focus most of my photography on portraits, because I love people. I think a photo can capture so many different things and emotions. My favorite thing is shooting people who are uncomfortable with having pictures taken of themselves. I love to make them laugh to create a genuine image.

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Nature is another thing I love to photograph. I love to capture the natural colors and light that the world gives us.

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This clock was one of my favorite things at the festival. It was in the museum of history that I didn’t even know we had!

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This clock was insanely cool. It was over 100 years old and parades every 30 minutes. When the hour hits, the twelve disciples come out from the back and bow their heads to the Jesus figurine in the front. All the disciples, that is, but Paul. Paul turns his back to Jesus, a foreshadowing of his future sin.

For all of you who know anything about me, the clock also features a moon dial and a sun dial. The length of daylight is told in the sun dial and the type of moon is told in the moon dial.

I wish I could have this in my house I swear.

https://buffalohistorymuseum.com/2016/11/05/the-apostolic-clock-and-its-many-mysteries/ 

clock-face

If you are interested in more about this clock you can read it here.

Of course it wouldn’t be Buffalo, if I didn’t mention the architecture and the Buffalo Bills.

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Photography has always been a passion of mine and I never gave myself the time of day to pursue it. My mom gifted me the camera I’ve always wanted for my 21st birthday and I can’t wait to learn more about it.

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I hope that this post gives you a little more personal insight to my life and what I love to do. I encourage all of you to follow your passions if you possess one, don’t let it intimidate you.

As always, keep your faith and keep your smile.

xx,

G

“Why else are we here if not to live with unreasonable passion for things” – butterflies rising

the tea: on thrifting

so, it is time for the tea.

thrifting; do you do it?

well you should and in this blog post i am going to be dishing out the tips and tricks i use when going thrifting as well as showing you my recent finds.

so, my #1 tip for thrifting is to go unplanned. don’t go into thrifting looking for a certain piece or outfit because you will tear your hair out trying to find it.

today, i went thrifting completely randomly and found more items than i really ever have. i didn’t go looking for a certain piece or even color really, i just went in looking!

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so to start off the shopping trip, i found my go-to fashion item; t-shirts.

i tend to go to the tshirt section to look for oversized shirts to wear or shirts i can cut into crops. my style is generally more laid back and i wear a lot of crops and oversized shirts in the spring time.

all of these shirts were around $2-3 each and i was very happy with what i found.

next, the jackets.

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although winter came to a close, i still wanted to check the jacket section for my next favorite fashion item – windbreakers.

i found these two for $6 each and i am suppppper exctied about them. i actually bought the wilson tennis jacket for my friend who plays tennis. i was sad to see it go, but i have a million jackets, i could spare this one.

the red jacket caught my eye and took me out of my comfort zone. red is NOT my color, but this jacket was super cute and comfy on.

so tip #2 is to go out of your comfort zone! try different styles, colors, and sizes, and SECTIONS. most of the clothes i thrift come from the men’s section. dont be afraid to try things out.

Processed with VSCO with hb1 presetProcessed with VSCO with hb1 presetnext, i headed to the blouses and picked up these two cute shirts for $3 each. one of them was NastyGal. NASTYGAL. ladies!!!!! thrit!!!!

the black shirt was hard to capture in a picture but it has a tie in the front and is cropped and is super stylish and cute. the yellow shirt is my favorite color and perfect for spring time.

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these next two i caught last minute. the white top is so feminine and petite i was super happy to come across it. paired with a white bralette and a skirt is a perfect sheek spring outfit. the striped top was more my style and the buttons were such a cute add on.

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the pants section!!!

i got 3 pairs of insanely cute pants. the first pair on the left is from j.crew and were a stretchy denim fit with a tie that scrunch at the bottom. the middle pair reminded me a lot of a pair i had from forever 21 and were super cute and retro. the black pants were stretchy black jeans that somehow i had none of?

total: $8.

tip #3 would be to try the clothes on if you can. this day, i didnt have the proper clothing on to try on my items, and honestly i was not in the mood so i just opted out of my own tip. but to confirm your purchase, try it on!

my last place i check in the thrift store is the book section.

and boy, did i hit a jackpot.

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so not only was the deal buy 4 books get one free, i found all of the books that were on my Amazon wishlist for more than 50 percent off.

these books were THREE DOLLARS EACH PEOPLE. and i got one free.

incredible.

(if you want a book review on any of these, please lmk)

so ladies and gentleman, those are my 3 thrifting tips.

thrifting is so cheap and beneficial to the environment as well as helping out people and charities in need.

go in with an open mind, and getcho thrift on.

I shall go into the thrift store just to look, sure... thats what they all say. Next thing ya know your buying a ton of stuff XD

x,

g

How I Set Up My Planner

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So I wasn’t really planning on writing this post, but I ventured into Target.

I ventured into the planner section and picked out The Parent Planner.

The Parent Planner was about $20 and looked like everything I wanted in my planner for the year. It was spiral bound, had pockets, budgeting pages, meal planning and quotes. So generally, I picked it up. Along with the planner I picked up some colorful pens to label my planner with.

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Today’s blog post will consist of me doing my best to explain the mess that is my planning.

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First things first; make a key.

I use a color coded key, that in this picture I messed up significantly. I am currently taking 4 classes, one clinical, and of course had to include my blog. I used different colors for my different classes to be more aesthetically pleasing.

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So this is the finished product after a day of school.

I start off by blocking off my classes (only 2) for the day with their designated color and if I am assigned homework during that class I write it in the class section. If I have any notes that I want to jot down or events during class I write those in the designated class sections as well, for example: check out medical ethics online.

Below is the “Family To-Do” section. Since I am obviously lacking a family, this is a “Gabby To-Do” section. I list all of my To-Dos for the rest of my day because I only have class until 3:30, leaving much room for activities.

In between my Pediatric class and my Ethic’s class I have about a 2 hour time span spent where I usually write blog posts or catch up on homework. As you can see I originally wrote “post Instagram picture” but for those of you who follow me, I did not post a sloth picture. This is due to the fact that I realized I had homework due in an hour and figured that ranked over my Instagram.

Yes, I literally have to remind myself to eat lunch and dinner, and my nasal spray (post-op fun).

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So, on Wednesdays I am lucky enough to not have class. I still do plan my day however.

So, on days I don’t have class, I sit down and make a To-Do list by priority. My ethic’s homework in this case was ranking priority, then my pediatric’s homework, dinner, and then my blog post about my palm reading. (You can read this here). Of course nobody is perfect and I didn’t get a chance to edit or finish my Youtube video, instead I took a nap.

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After I plan out my day of to-dos I like to plan out my next day. I put the time I am going to wake up in writing, so that If I don’t wake up at that time, I feel bad about myself. I like to write my class time blocks again with the assignments that are due at that time.

I even plan out my morning and try to include meditating, lemon water, and stretching to get my mind flowing before the day starts. Usually, I snooze my alarm for 40 minutes and don’t do any of this, so I have to chug an espresso.

I am a big checkbox person and I love making lists. Making lists even though nothing gets done, still makes me feel like I accomplished something!

So, this is my not-so-perfect approach to planning my day in my planner. I am sure there is a more aesthetically pleasing way, but this is what works for me.

If you guys want to see more school related posts, let me know in the comments!

xx,

G

“If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters”

travel diaries: allegheny state park

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So, I have been on winter break for almost a month and a half now. Unfortunately, since the break started I have been on two antibiotics and been a very sick girl! My best friend decided to drag me out of bed and force me on a road trip to see some of the beauty this world has to offer.

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So we set off in the winter weather for a couple hour drive to go up to Allegheny State Park.

For it being January, the weather was pretty nice. It was still chilly, but the drive down was absolutely beautiful and I wore a dress. Good thing for a sick girl to do, right?!

Anyway, Sara drove and I controlled the music. It was her playlist, but I controlled the aux so it counts right?

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The park was absolutely beautiful and even though we didn’t have the winter snow or the fall leaves, it was still a sight to see. I loved sitting there and breathing the fresh air in and listening to the literal silence that was surrounding us. Living in a busy suburb with constant noise you never realize what actual silence is until you’re in a place like this.

We walked around for a couple hours frantically looking for bears and then later realizing that they are in hibernation, it is winter.

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We took some pictures, did some minimal hiking, and then realized it was far too cold! We ventured past the road closed sign and did most of our exploring because thats what rebellious 20 year olds do these days. 

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Although this trip was short lived, it was one of my favorites. Sara forced me out of bed and out into the fresh air for just a couple hours and I instantly felt my spirits lift. I highly recommend to get outside and put down your phone for a couple hours (unless it is golden hour and you take these cute pics). Go out of your comfort zone and say yes to days when you feel like staying in bed. It made a fun memory and it cleared my head so much.

One of my goals for this new year is to take footage of my little adventures and get back into creating videos. I used to do this with every trip I went on, but was embarrassed to post them anywhere and ultimately stopped doing so. I decided to make a video for this little trip of ours to inspire me to do more of it.

Heres a link to my little video if you are interested in watching.

(the stabilization on my GoPro is all wack, so I apologize for the little shakiness)

As always, do things that are good for your mental health! Do things that make you HAPPY. It is OKAY to take a day off of being productive and do things that make you spark inside.

To Sara, thank you for being the one who has been there for me during my ups and downs of my mental health and my life in general, you are my soulmate and best friend.

Do something for YOU today.

xx,

G

You can go to the gym, drink your water, and take your vitamins, but if you don’t deal with the shit going on in your heart and head you’re still going to be unhealthy

How To: Vision Boards

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I have wanted to create a Vision Board for as long as I can remember. I have always loved the idea of manifestation and visualization. So, after long awaited anticipation I decided to make my own.

I bought cork bord squares from office max and used four of them to create a vision board square on my wall. They came with adhesive stickers and I just used silver push pins to stick the pictures up there. I liked this method because If I wanted to change the pictures or my vision at any time, it was easy to do so.

My vision board consists of pictures of things I hope to accomplish in my life or in the coming year. Some things will take a lot of time to manifest and achieve, but other things will not take as long.

Something I hope to achieve is my relationship with God and my faith. I have done a lot of progress in this journey and have become a lot closer to God than I ever thought possible, but I hope to get a lot closer to him. For Christmas, my mother got me a devotional so I plan on using that each day to help in my spiritual journey. I like having something higher to believe in, whether it bed God, Buddha, or any other higher power.

Another thing I hope to do in the new year is focus more on my health. I put pictures of yoga and my “ideal” body in my vision board to inspire me to work hard and get where I want to be. Although, I do not have a problem with where my body is right now, being more healthy will improve my overall wellbeing and mental health. Along with this, I want to do more activities outside such as hiking or running. I live so close to the Niagara Falls Gorge that I plan on visiting it more when it is nice out. I advise doing things like that with your friends like hiking and doing outdoor activities!

Something I also have on my vision board is love. Self love, love with another human, love with my family. I want to formulate pure love in my life whether it be with myself, another human, or my family. I believe that 2018 was an eye opening year filled with a lot of fake love and I want to capitalize on creating pure relationships.

I want to heal in the new year. I have had an extremely hard year with growth and figuring out who I am. I have done a lot of things for my own happiness and it has cost a lot of relationships in return. “Healing is not linear” is a favorite quote of mine because of the ups and downs involved in the process.

My dream home and dream car are also placed on this vision board. Although these are things in the future that I hope to strive for. A house with a wrap around porch and a dog that loves me.

I want to focus on digressing from social media. The “social media seriously harms your mental health” picture is something I have seen a lot of social media stars have in their phone case. I think it is something to appreciate and think about, because we are all so obsessed with social media and the image behind it that we tend to not focus on the present. We live moments based on taking pictures and getting likes. I don’t want to spend as much time on social media apps as I do, because life is so short and I feel like I’m missing it.

I encourage you all to manifest your life and your year by making a vision board.

You can learn about vision boards and setting intentions here .

Let me know what your plans and goals are for the new year in the comments below!

xx,

G

If you change nothing, nothing will change

How Do I Start a Relationship with God?

0902A79D-A591-42E1-95B2-DEC51C4B6C1B.JPGDisclaimer:  I never want to push religion on anything of the sort on my followers and I am super open to beliefs or non beliefs. I’m writing this post about my journey with religion as a request of a close follower to my blog 🙂

I was never religious. If you want more background information on that check out my blog post Temporary Pleasure: My Sunday

Long story short, I identified with no religion. So how did I get here? How did I get to the point where I annotate a bible, attend service, and pray to God daily? A lot of practice, time, and self discipline.

It took some sort of epiphany to realize I needed a higher power in my life. I was struggling with anxiety and depression and felt that I had nowhere to turn to. I knew my mom was super religious and had always tried to get me to go to church with her, but I hated every second of it. Traditional Catholic masses made me scream. As a kid with ADHD, anxiety, and a constant need to be moving, these masses didn’t click right with me. I started hating religion and never went. There were a couple of years where I only went to service on holidays, If that. 2 years ago all of that changed.

I found a chapel that I really loved. They had service, singing, and relatable sermons with humor even! I began to go by myself to service, but not tell anyone about it. I was embarrassed. Embarrassed to believe in something higher than myself… now thats embarrassing. No matter what you follow or how you look at life, I truly believe there is a higher power or energy surrounding us that we will never understand. I have talked about my experience with paranormal, energy, and all of the sort, and I still am confident that we are not alone here.

I started attending chapel services more regularly, alone and quiet. Everyone was so welcoming and happy that I was there, it was incredible. There was such good and positive energy in this place. I even began learning the songs, downloading them, and finding myself being more open with praising during service. Eventually, my mom and stepdad started attending the same chapel and now I try to go with them when I can.

And THERE is key point number 1.

You have to want to do it.

As with everything, being forced to do anything is extremely unbearable. Once I started wanting to learn more and attend services regularly, I fell more into my faith. My biggest advice is to do it on your own time. This isn’t a thing that happens over night! It took me years on years to finally realize that this is what I wanted to do and follow. As I said before, I hated religion because I was forced to be there!

I started off on this journey by starting to go to service. After I got more “into” being apart of something bigger, I began to do my research.

I came across “Bible journaling”. I was absolutely fascinated by the artwork that people dedicated to their bible and how they expressed their faith by creativity. As terrible of an artist as I am, I tried it too! I purchased a Bible journal, some pens, and started with my favorite verses.

9ED840AD-10F5-4944-A154-41C9373F3233.JPGI started journaling with a verse I loved and have always loved.

Jeremiah 29:11 :

“For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord”

This was always a comforting verse for me, and no shame here, I found it on Pinterest! Pinterest has been such a huge jumpstart to my faith and I highly recommend it. This is where I found my inspiration to journal in my bible, and find all my favorite verses. Go on Pinterest and find a favorite verse and start there. Although small, I do have a Pinterest board dedicated to my journey with my faith. If any of you want to take a look, here it is.

I started off journaling graphics in my bible and slowly progressed to annotating chapters.

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But where do you begin? The bible is HUGE.

This was something I struggled with forever as well. I researched, asked for advice from my peers, and finally settled. I started off with 1 Corinthians. I decided to start here because this is where all the “laws” to follow are laid out. Honestly, I never truly knew them so I figured I’d start there. Currently, I am reading the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). I’m reading this to try and understand Jesus’ life and get a better understanding of who he is. I don’t have much knowledge about Jesus so starting with the Gospels was recommended to me by a friend! Either of those options are where I would recommend starting your bible reading.

But what do you do when you read?

THIS my friends, is where the SOAP method comes in.

I never understood the SOAP method, let alone knew what it stood for. I turned to Youtube to find out and luckily one of my favorite Youtubers had recently uploaded a video. (A little sign eh?) I watched this video through and learned about devotion and how to annotate and read my bible.

Heres the video : My Morning Devotion Routine 

This video helped me breakdown a lot and turned me to a method I use now.

S: scripture

O: observations

A: application to life

P: prayer

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Another huge recommendation I have is to annotate during service! Bring your bible, download an app, or just bring a notebook and take notes of what your pastor or whoever is saying and talking about. Doing this allows me to actually focus on what he / she is saying and not just pretending I am. I advise against the bible app on your phone only because you will probably get distracted and find yourself doing other things.

Heres an example of some of my annotations from service:

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For all of you thinking this is a lot of work I have good news for you.

Theres a way to do it ALL online!

Most churches, chapels, etc, usually have a website where they post their service online! You don’t even have to get out of your bed. So next time your excuse for missing service is the Sunday Scaries, pop into bed and watch your mass live.

There are so many options and ways to educate yourself about religion and what you want to do about it. I have found multiple podcasts including:

  • Churchome with Judah Smith
  • The Chapel Audio
  • The Porch
  • Zoe LA

Another thing I want to throw in there is to be open to all religions and beliefs. No belief is right or wrong! Or at least thats why I believe. I have explained how I believe in the principals of the Buddha and I agree and respect multiple other principals of other practices. Having an open mind is key to embarking on this journey of finding yourself and finding your faith. Another point I’d like to make is nobody is perfect! I personally do not follow the bible word by word. I do my best to live my life how I believe God would want me to, but we all have slip ups. Opening up to the idea of letting God or any other faith into your life is enough alone. Don’t be so hard on yourself through this journey or through ANY journey in life.

If you have any interest in Christian music heres a link to a cool playlist 😉

Always know you’re loved.

X,

G